Playinwiththepaulsens!

Here we go!

2012-01-25T12:32:00.002-06:00

I am ready. Time to get ride of what I was calling "bereavement belly".

One and half years ago I injured my hamstring and it has been such a struggle with exercise ever since. And it is not much better than a year and a half ago, my hamstring, that is... my weight is even UP! a lot! BUT I am determined now to work around the injury!

I have joined Wei*ght W*atchers again, too. It works for me and I like it!

I am hoping to start blogging Weight Tracker Wednesdays again! And since I started working at this on Monday... I am down two pounds! Yep! My body always responds well the first week and then does nothing on the second week. So we shall see how it goes!

I am back to trying new recipes to keep this process fun! But I also go back to old standbys as well.

Lunch today, old standby:

Light nachos! Baked corn chips, light cheese, black beans, LOTS of salsa, light sour cream. And some carrots! Sometimes I do grilled chicken instead of the beans, just depends on the mood and the points allowance I have for the day. Sometimes I skip both bean and chicken, sometimes I skip the cheese.... you get the idea.

Supper tonight, new recipe ( I LOVE CROCK POT RECIPES!!!) :

Crock pot Chicken Chili

Plus+ 8 Per Serving

Ingredients:

6 skinless chicken thighs
1 large onion -- chopped
2 cloves garlic -- finely chopped
1 14.5oz can chicken broth
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1 teaspoon dried oregano leaves
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon red pepper sauce
2 15oz cans great northern beans -- rinsed and drained
1 15oz can white shoe peg corn -- drained
3 tablespoons lime juice
2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro

Remove excess fat from chicken. Mix onion, garlic,broth, cumin, oregano, salt and pepper sauce in 3 1/2 to 6 quart crockpot. Addchicken. Cover and cook on low heat setting 4 to 5 hours or until chicken istender. Remove chicken from crockpot. Use 2 forks to remove bones and shredchicken into pieces. Discard bones; return chicken to crockpot. Stir in beans,corn, lime juice and cilantro. Cover and cook on low heat setting 15 to 20minutes or until beans and corn are hot.

Serving Size (1 Cup)
Per Serving: 439 Calories; 4g Fat; 35g Protein; 69gCarbohydrate; 22g Dietary Fiber; 43mg

I hope it's yummy! I added more hot sauce than it called for *smile*, and used 8 breasts rather than 6, just 'cause that is what was in the package rather than thighs. I think that breasts will lower the fat content as well. Right?

I am really trying to avoiding sweets. They make me hungry.

So follow me on the journey AGAIN if you like!

Just married?!?!? Yep.

2012-01-08T20:27:00.002-06:00

The engaged library couple..... from a few posts ago.......they got married. Yep! Decided to not go with the planned summer wedding and opt for a wedding less than a week after the decision!
These photos were taken right about the time they were thinking..... why not just get married NOW?!?!!?

Congrats you two!

New Years Challenge perfect for me!

2012-01-05T21:13:00.000-06:00

I like the word "challenge" better than resolution. It just sounds nicer, easier! *smile*
I have not been thinking much about a resolution, I thought about a photography 352 or 52 project challenge, but was not really motivated to participate...... till I was reading blogs tonight and saw this.... CLICK HERE.
So I am going for this one! It sounds refreshing to me! I LOVED the book "One Thousand Gifts" and will likely read it again this year along with doing the challenge! I will keep up with them with the app she has for iphone (you can enter text or take a photo!) but anyone can do it just on paper! or on your computer or a journal! You can follow her guide or just log your own ideas!

So I dare YOU! Will you join me in logging 1000 gifts for 2012? 100o things for which you are grateful? It will change you! Trust me!

I just started today and did the first five days in just a few minutes!

Anxiety

2012-01-04T18:11:00.003-06:00

Seemingly out of nowhere it creeps in... anxiety. But it's not out of nowhere. It's a lie, little tiny lies, that leave me uneasy with no real reason to point to for clarity. It's from Satan. He is the master of lies.

But he has a problem, I know Another who is the giver of peace.

and joy.

and truth.

Special thanks to a sweet blog friend for sharing her thoughts, giving me these verses and even for a "prayer" via email. God sent her my way today. How divine.

Go check out her blog.... HERE.... her photography is amazing and her thoughts are inspiring!

Eyeball update.

2011-12-10T10:21:00.002-06:00

All the remaining stitches came out on Thursday! While his vision is improved it is not 100% yet! It should continue to get better!
FYI: he almost passed out! When he told the doctor he was about to pass out, the doctor quickly leaned him back more and said that it was a normal reaction when you have someone mess with your eye for a long period of time. Interesting!

1992. and now.

2011-12-07T20:42:00.001-06:00

Today I found a page from 1992 I saved from one of those calendars that have a new page and quote or verse for each day. It was tucked in the cover of my Bible.
There is no doubt why I saved it. 1992. The first year I felt the deepest pain of death of a loved one.

It is beautiful and I adapted it for me today:

I love the verse too. " In Thy presence is fullness of joy; in Thy right hand there are pleasures forever. " Psalm 16:11

I have been thinking a lot about my mother now spending forever in beautiful worship of her Savior, Jesus Christ. I am happy for her. I long to join her. Forever in worship. I can only imagine.

one in the same

2011-12-04T21:10:00.001-06:00

and

and the both lead me to worship and peace.

More beauty.

2011-12-04T20:01:00.000-06:00

Beauty.

2011-12-03T20:00:00.001-06:00

Chapter 6 excerpts from the book One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp:

"Strange, I hadn't even noticed that I'd been hungry for Beauty until I ran for the moon.... do I always want to see more beauty... more of the glory of God? Because that is what I am made for, to give Him more glory. More eucharisteo, more. And not only yesterday, but today.... manna today or I starve."

here is more:

" See beauty and we know it in the marrow, even if we have no words for it. Someone is behind it, in it. Beauty Himself completes."

and in regard to photographing that beauty:

"Focus and click focus and click..... A hunter trying to capture. And none of the shots close enough, wide enough, radiant enough for the hunter.... I have to seek God's beauty because isn't my internal circuitry wired to seek out something worthy of worship? For true Beauty worship, (is) worship of Creator Beauty Himself."

worship of nature:

"nature is not God but God revealing the weight of Himself, all His glory, through the looking glass of nature."

Just adorable. Just engaged. Just in love.

2011-11-27T15:08:00.001-06:00

He is a librarian.

They met at the library.

Little did I know,

when I told him under my breath....

"GET HER PHONE NUMBER!"

That only a few months later...

...I would be doing engagement photos for them.

They were super fun models!

There WILL be more photo sessions with these two! For sure!

There so many cute photos I cannot post them all.

But these seem to tell their story.

Pretty well.

They are ....

... so in love.

And I am in love with photographing them!

Thanksgiving Eve photos.

2011-11-24T07:47:00.001-06:00

Thanksgiving Eve service went well.... Daniel and Jedd sang their song, but the video won't upload. Maybe it will work via facebook.

Anyway, here are some photos I took of the beautiful arrangements my mother-in-law made at church.

And a little peek at the interior of our church!

Happy Thanksgiving!

eyeball update....

2011-11-23T13:49:00.001-06:00

.... the Dr. only took half of the 7 stitches out on Monday. Which would be no big deal if it wasn't hunting season. So if you see Daniel, give him a hug. He will be putting the boat away this weekend.
Total side note. Daniel and Jedd will be singing a song tonight at church that Jedd wrote for a school assignment. *sigh* They are so much alike. *smile* I kinda like it.

Random lens flare.

2011-11-23T13:40:00.001-06:00

For those of you that noticed (everyone but me).....

Before and after:

It is far from perfect... but it is better right?

Fun family!

2011-11-21T10:20:00.001-06:00

I had a quick photo session with a librarian friend and her family yesterday!

Here we go:

They were so fun!

Maybe next year we will go when the park isn't closed!

Yep we got to the park and it was closed so we took all of these near the entrance!

It worked!

It was also COLD!

But we pretended it wasn't!

The influence of Daniel.

2011-11-17T14:58:00.001-06:00

(Note the pegged jeans and scrunch socks,

beyond the 80's hair and the fact that this is 1994.)

Only God Himself knows the influence Daniel has had on my life. I may not be a different type of person without him but I sure would be different in other ways.
I would not be as laid back as I am now.
I would not be as funny.
I might have a cleaner house, but I would not have learned to leave my house messy to go play as a family.
I would maybe be less patient. Now, I am not saying he REQUIRES a lot of patience (as you may think), but that I have LEARNED patience from him. *smile*
I would be more reserved for sure.

He has changed me. In a good way.

He even influences my photography from time to time. Telling me I should take a photo of something gross for instance. This nasty worm. Sure the colors are interesting but the beauty stops there for me.

I would rather focus on the leaf and the vines.

There are even some things we both like.

But I do love that many times Daniel makes me look at things differently. And it is fun. Sometimes weird, but mostly fun.

Waiting.

2011-11-16T20:38:00.001-06:00

Rushing home to be by my mother's side before she died, I had no idea how long the next four days would be. How hard it would be. How I would sit, lay, or sleep by her side for the next four days. How I would count each breath wondering which one would be her last. Waiting. Holding her hand, kissing her cheek. Both wishing her into the arms of Christ and wishing her hand to stay in mine. Waiting.

Knowing He knows best. His timing is perfect.

I am still reading Paul David Tripp's " A Shelter in the Time of Storm". What a blessing it has been.

This searching for more of God.....well, I am finding more.

Read this:

"The reality if waiting is that it's an expression of God's goodness. He is wise and loving. His timing is always right, and his focus isn't so much on what you will experience and enjoy, but on what you will become."

And it gets better... lets keep reading:

He is committed to using every tool at his disposal to rescue you from yourself and to shape you into the likeness of his Son. The fact is that waiting is one of his primary shaping tools."

He talked previously about strengthening our spiritual muscles. That is what he is doing. And if you are a believer and follower of Jesus Christ he is doing it because:

"... Your life no longer belongs to you. Your story is no longer just your story. You have been welcomed to the kingdom of another, and your life is part of the plan and purpose of that kingdom. Don't allow yourself to start thinking that you are in the center of your universe. Remember, you have been chosen to live for the glory of Another, and when you do you will reach levels of personal contentment and joy that aren't possible any other way."

Through all of this, I believe that to be true. Without a doubt.

God taught me amazing things through my mother when she was here on this earth, now he is teaching me amazing things through her no longer being on this earth.

Here's one of my favorite pictures of her.

It's a photo of her and my sister

on her first metro/subway/train ride

in Washington D.C. in 2006.

She was a little nervous,

but mostly excited.

It was SUCH a FUN trip!

Have you gone on a trip with your moma lately?

You should.

And take lots of pictures.

*smile*

17. no one really knows.

2011-11-16T12:25:00.001-06:00

No one really knows what another persons marriage is really like. They are unique as the individuals in each marriage.
Daniel and I just celebrated 17 years together! Now his Aunt said I deserve a medal for 17 years with Daniel and his craziness.
People often wonder what it is like to be married to a funny guy like Daniel. But those who know him well, have a pretty good guess that I have it pretty good. They know he has a kind, caring, giving side that is a treasure. I actually didn't know the extent of his goofy side until after we were married. But that has been a blessing in disguise. Since my teens I had prayed for a husband that was funny. Whew! God answered THAT one!

I love a lot of things about him.

A couple days after Moma's funeral he took me all around over in a Ranger to places he thought I would like to take pictures. I hardly left the house that week and a half at grandma's house, so it was incredibly refreshing.
Now, I may not like what he does when I hand him my camera. ( I cleaned out his nose in photoshop just for you.)

So I got him his own camera, not realizing what he would capture. We were on a levee and Jedd was down below. Let's just say we were not stopped for this photo.

This flower, he brought to me to take pictures! I was not about to go in that tall grass by the water to get it! NO WAY! Why didn't HE get chiggers?!?! (Fun fact: I read that chiggers like women and children better because their skin is thinner and softer!)

He also took me one evening to take pictures along the bayou of the cypress trees he found at his favorite duck hunting/fishing area at the Bayou Meto. At the end of a sunny day the sky suddenly got dark and rainy. I was disappointed in the lighting but the trees were beautiful!

(For some reason I think of the "Pirates of the Caribbean" when I look at the trunks of these cypress.)

Of course he decided to fish while I took pictures. At least our hobbies "sort of" mesh! *smile*

Even though our personalities are very opposite.... they mesh pretty well. Actually, very well. And for that I am very thankful.

very.very.thankful.

This weekend he is taking me to a spot he thinks I will like for taking pictures! Can't wait!

I love that man. Even if the trip also includes a certain Bass Pro Shop. (they do have cute clothes there!)

I am starting to get it. What He is trying to tell me.

2011-11-11T19:14:00.001-06:00

It really was like a light bulb moment. I almost cried. I was pondering the concept I just read about in a new book I am reading as I was backing out of the driveway and heading to pick up the boys from school. I wanted to stop in the middle of the road.

Here is what I had just read from Paul David Tripp in "A Shelter in the Time of Storm":

"There is a God of awesome grace who meets his children in moments of darkness and difficulty. He is worth running to. He is worth waiting for. He brings rest when it seems like there is no rest to be found.

... You and I were just not hardwired to make our way through this fallen world on our own. We were meant to rest in the lap of his goodness."

Even before my mother died seven weeks ago... I was at a place spiritually where I felt I was resting in the lap of his goodness. Drinking in His truth.
Now. I am still there, but he is taking me a little further. He is showing me that this road does not have a destination. I have been feeling like he was taking me somewhere. And He has been, but I have been trying to figure out the destination. Now I am thinking, maybe there isn't a destination in the sense that I was thinking. Maybe it is simply more of Him, more of Him, more of Him.

Here is the next paragraph:

"Why would I pray to be taught again and again and again by the Lord? Because his wisdom is just that deep and vast. His wisdom has no boundaries. His wisdom has no bottom. His wisdom has no ceiling. .... So once more, I pray to be taught because the wisdom of God is just that deep."

It is rather exciting really.

More.

More of Him.

I can't wait to see what that is like.

What a beautiful destination.

(Side note: I got CHIGGERS taking these pictures of the wildflowers in Arkansas a couple days after the funeral. Seriously!)

Learning photography

2011-11-10T13:41:00.001-06:00

I could spend the rest of my life learning how to improve my photography! The best teacher is just taking more pictures. This fall I have done very little "fall" photography, but I have done a lot of people photography!
One session was a teen from our church! He was a great subject! He was very at ease which put me at ease and we took some fun photos!

I love trying special effects and textures.

This idea I found by accident, but I like the look.

I like that there are three very different wardrobe changes!

I think that once you see these...

... you will pretty much know..

this teen....

... and this photographer.

Learning curves.

2011-11-09T15:35:00.000-06:00

There are so many learning curves in life and in my photography. I feel like I have been going through them in both areas of my life.
When I say, - in my life- I mean in my heart, in my relationship with He who resides there. Jesus Christ.
He is teaching me so much through the death of my mother seven weeks ago. He is teaching me how to grieve, how to lay my hurting heart before Him to comfort and protect. He washes it's raw edges with perfect peace. Peace I cannot even explain. It is oddly refreshing through the tears that pour in those moments.
I miss her. I have not stopped missing her. It hurts. It hurts a lot. It's like a lost security blanket is miss and you know in your heart it is gone. She was such a place of security for me. I knew with her - I was loved and adored so unconditionally.
But since she knew Jesus Christ too, I will see her soon. I will see her shining face someday. And with that is peace. With that is comfort. With that there is hope. With that there is no fear.
I am sad but I am happy.

I am blessed.

I only wish I had taken more photos of her. This is one of my favorites. My parents and my boys. Taken March 2000.

Next post... learning curves in photography!

Big earrings.

2011-11-08T09:15:00.000-06:00

Jedd drew this picture of me in church on Sunday. I was wearing a very ruffly shirt and big earrings! And jeans. Jeans with bright white stitching. That is the fly of my jeans. *smile*

Another brother!

2011-11-07T18:52:00.000-06:00

This is another brother in law...

...who gave me another beautiful and sweet sister in law.

And three little angels to love.

*sigh*

And oh, do I love them.

The day I took these I had a secret weapon for the first part of the session.

Their "Uncle Dan" - to make them giggle and giggle!

These were taken without "Uncle Dan". Notice there is less giggling.

But they are still soooo stinkin' cute!

This girl - she could not be more fun.

Seriously, she is the busiest child you will ever meet.

And I adore her.

Happy Birthday, B!

Where oh where have I been?

2011-11-07T18:20:00.002-06:00

Well, I have been at my computer....editing photos! Which I LOVE doing! Removing shadows and adding highlights and special effects! I could do it all day! It is REALLY fun when it's photos of people I love! Like family!

Here is my brother in law and his fam!

HOW CUTE are they!??

When I first met this brother (Daniel is the oldest of four boys - this is the youngest bro) he was a goofy Junior high boy, who ate mostly peanut butter and had an endless amount of Homer Simpson quo*tes! Now, he's given me this beautiful and sweet sister in law and these two preicous angels to love forever!

*sigh*

Thanks, Davy Wavy!

2011-11-03T13:30:00.000-05:00

Here is what I am making today~ I like to double the recipe since I buy the big bag of almonds at Sam's. I have posted this before....but since I am guessing one or two of you are lazy like me, you probably would like the recipe reposted since I am telling yall how good they are!

Hot Cayenne TabascoAlmonds

The heat from these fiery nuts doesn’t hit right away. It shows up just whenyou have finished the nut, which makes you want more. And then it happensagain. And again. Yes, they are addictive.

2 cups raw whole almonds, blanched or skin on
2 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
2 tablespoons Tabascosauce (any variety)
2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon dry mustard
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1-1/2 teaspoons kosher salt
1. Preheat the oven to 250°F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.
2. Place all the ingredients, except the salt, in a large bowl and tossuntil the nuts are well coated.
3. Transfer the nuts to the prepared sheet and arrange in a single layer.Place in the oven and cook, stirring every 15 minutes, until the nuts aredarkened but not burnt, about 45 minutes.
4. Remove from the oven, immediately loosen the nuts with a metal spatula,sprinkle evenly with the salt, and set aside to cool before serving.
Makes 2 cups.

Yum! Russ has been begging for these!

OH! And the eyeball is doing great!

EYEBALL UPDATE! Right after Dr. Mauer told us he didn't believe Daniel was going to get by without developing a cataract from his injury..... he looked in his eye.... no cataract. God makes me smile! Since Daniel pretended to be blind when Dr Mauer came in, the dr decided to tease Daniel and tell him he not only needed to wear his "lab goggles" 24/7, he needed to add a motorcycle helmet.
Guess he has gotten to know Daniel now.

a post with a "gross out" warning.

2011-10-24T21:28:00.001-05:00

If you are easily grossed out don't finish this post. Really the photo isn't bad at all. Stitches to the eyeball. No blood. No flesh hanging. Tiny tiny stitches.
Last Thursday I got a phone call from my husband while at work asking for the phone # for the eye doctor. ( we are there A LOT with eye injuries. *smile*). I asked if he had scratched his cornea... his response.... well there's stuff coming out.
I told him DON'T say that, Daniel!!! He is ALWAYS kidding me like that.
Well, long story short, he wasn't kidding. Daniel had a laceration that went all the way through the cornea. While not on the iris, the iris was now out of place somehow. He would need surgery.... not the "in office" - out patient kind - the go to the local hospital O.R. and go under general anesthesia kind of surgery.
Since I had brought him twizzlers to the dr appointment we had to wait a few more hours for surgery... but it had to be done ASAP! Unfortunately I had brought him twizzlers so we had to wait a few hours for his stomach to empty before they could do surgery. Opps! FYI: Don't eat when you are in an emergency situation.
A few hours later, my groggy, goofy husband was drifting back to reality and back to teasing the cute nurses. He disregarded the nurses advice to avoid greasy food after anesthesia and asked for a BK burger as soon as we left the hospital only two hours after surgery! He was sooo hungry.
His vision is blurry in that eye, but that should improve. He can't lift, or be in a dirty or dusty environment so he can only go to work and help out in the office, but the secretary goes on vacation next week..... oh.... help the people that call in for electrical work next week.... they will be asked what they want on their pizza. "Pizza Hut, will this be deliver or carry out?"
So here is the only slightly gross part!

The stitches are actually pretty cool. They just look like scribbles with a pen on a photo of an eyeball!

Really....

See.....

The iris is cloudy because there is a contact lens over the eye to protect it for now. That macro lens came in handy, huh?!?! (The blue glare shaped like a circle is the halogen light we shined in his eye to get the picture. Now that is love. He suffered a little to let me take the photo. Awe. )

He does NOT like having to slow down. It could be WEEKS before he can return to his normal work. So for now, no power tools. No dirt, no fishing, no hunting.
He wears a shield over it, but the eye is open and he can look out the shield enough to drive, do desk work, etc. It is not bandaged up as you'd think they would do. But it does have that contact over it.
Anyway, that happened last Thursday. We go back to the doctor on Friday.

Thank you, Lord for not letting that nail destroy his eye. Oh, yea, I didn't tell you, it was the head of a nail that hit his eye and bounced off. Although he did tease one of the nurses and tell her the nail was still in there. *sigh*
Here is a pic from before surgery, but it shows you the shield he wears now.

(He is eating twizzlers. His favorite candy... hint hint.)

In context.......

2011-10-17T18:38:00.001-05:00

... this verse makes a lot more sense. It's from Psalms chapter 73.

Today was an interesting day for me. I started crying for no particular reason on my way to Fareway to get groceries. Now, I know y'all will assume it is part of the grief process, but really it only SORT of is. These tears were different. They weren't sad tears, but a stirring in my heart.
You see God is doing something in me. I don't even understand it all yet. It started months ago. It really doesn't even center around my mother's declining health and death. While that circumstance gives me a huge frame of reference for all that God is doing in my heart, it's only part of it. I don't even know the whole of it. Yet. And I am not sure, what all it means.
I felt throughout the summer that God was preparing my heart for something.

Then September 18th my mother died. "Oh," I thought, "That must really be what He was preparing me for this summer." But last night the stirring began again. He's been using author and daughter of Billy Graham, Anne Graham Lotz to do much of the stirring through her books as well as Ann VosKamp with her book "One Thousand Gifts". Last night I started Anne Graham Lotz book "Magnificent Obsession". Wow.

She describes what I want and cannot put into words. She describes a relationship and "knowing" of God that I long for in my deepest parts.

When I first felt His stirring I decided I wanted to share what he was doing in my heart by leading a women's Bible study. So I did.

As I prepared for lesson four today, I hit Psalm 73 and it hit me back. It wasn't even that I related to what David was going through, but when I got to verse 17 it was exactly what I was feeling. A moment where I "went into the sanctuary of God" and "understood". This lesson stirring in my heart is about the very topic of our Bible study - Eyes on Eternity. The tears began to pour. Not a sad sobbing, but a a flood of tears that wash over with peace and intimacy. I was in His sanctuary and I understood..... this life, it's meant to be lived in the light of eternity.
We all will stand before God Almighty one day. He will know you or He will not. That knowing only comes by a moment in time where you stop and chooses Jesus Christ as Savior. Not through how "good" we are, not how often we go to church, not baptism, not confirmation, not communion, .....none of those things create the "knowing".

Do you know how different the world and life looks when you think of it in light of His eternity?
Do you know what "knowing" Him really means?

Our pastor gave a sermon once on the two kinds of "knowing" - intellectual vs experiential. Do you know him or do you know Him.

I want to know Him. I know Him as Savior, and I want to know Him more.

I have mixed emotions about this stirring He is doing.

It is odd and perplexing to me actually.

But there is no place I would rather be.

Psalm 72-23-28~

^:23Nevertheless I am continually with thee: thou hast holden me by my right hand.

²⁴Thou shalt guide me with thy counsel, and afterward receive me to glory.

²⁵Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee.

²⁶My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.

²⁷For, lo, they that are far from thee shall perish: thou hast destroyed all them that go a whoring from thee.

²⁸But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord GOD, that I may declare all thy works."

Three weeks tomorrow.

2011-10-08T09:38:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow will mark three weeks since my moma died. I find it strange that my thinking is more about missing her than about the glorious place where she is right now. I am sure I will get there. Right now I just hate that I cannot call her on the phone. I miss that.

Today we will celebrate a birthday I missed while in Arkansas with my mother! I am as excited about the "Chocolate Extreme" ice cream cake as I am about the party!

Happy Birthday my sweet boy:

Friendship

2011-10-07T07:00:00.000-05:00

The day I got the phone call that my mother may not make it more than 2 or 3 days, I began packing to fly to Arkansas the next day. A friend (who is also my neighbor) brought this over as a gift for on the plane. She had made it.

Not only was it the perfect size, it was perfect for the Arkansas girl who is eternally cold. I know I looked a sight in the Minneapolis airport with my quilt, my ear buds in, and a pile of used Kleenex beside me, sitting in an area with no one else around. I must have looked like I had the flu! ha ha.
It was perfect. It was comforting. It was what friends do. Thanks K.

The cutest sympathy "card" ever...

2011-10-06T14:42:00.001-05:00

... was on my bed when I got home from Arkansas.

Food and Flowers

2011-10-06T13:30:00.001-05:00

I have never enjoyed flowers as much as I did the day my mother was buried. The sun shining on those delicate yet flaming bright colors, was just breathtaking. I returned to her grave in the afternoon and took hundreds of photos. I didn't want to ever forget how beautiful all the flowers were that day. They were gifts from all the people that loved her and loved our family. They were as comforting as the sweet southern food we were given that day. That's what friends do, find ways to comfort each other. I am happy food and flowers do that so well! *smile*

Morning. Mourning. And Morning.

2011-09-30T21:12:00.002-05:00

This morning.

I woke up feeling ok, but sad.

Yesterday I was starting to feel "normal".

But today was Friday.

The 30th.

Moma's birthday.

The phone rang. It was the flower shop with a delivery.

I stared at the date at the corner of my computer screen.

The flowers arrived and the tears came with them. GORGEOUS yellow flowers. From a friend who knows the pain, the tears and the memories all to well of losing someone so close.

Suddenly I could mourn. The flowers arriving seemed to say it was okay to cry. And it is. I am not depressed. Just sad. The fact that my blog posts have all been about my mourning may lead you to believe I am sad all the time. My heart is heavy all the time still, but not constantly sad. The day moma died we were able to laugh together as a family, and we have continued to laugh. But we have also cried. And it feels good to cry together.

I called my daddy today and instantly the tears began, and I could not get out more words than "I called to say I love you, daddy" and he began to cry. He said, "We miss her today, don't we." It felt good to cry with him.

We miss her.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow is the 1st.

Tomorrow is a new day, a new month.

A new moment in time.

September will be over.

And each day is a little better.

A new normal. And I am not afraid.

2011-09-28T18:36:00.000-05:00

I have heard it before and it really seems true to me. When you lose someone you love, you have to go on and create a "new normal". Things just aren't the same, not now, nor will they ever be. I don't want it to ever be the same. Her death has changed me, her dying process changed me. I cannot be the "same". And that is fine. It's what God wants - to change me, to mold me. And I am okay with that process, painful as it is. There still is peace and there still is no fear. Those are the gifts that come with mourning in His arms. Through this entire experience I have been baffled by what it must be like for someone to go through this type experience without the peace and comfort He gives by having a deep and personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ.
I don't want to sound like I am "so strong", but I do want others to know I AM STRONG in HIS strength. I want others to know that I am "ok", not because I FEEL "ok" or look "ok" at the moment, but because He holds me up in the midst of the pain rather than removing the pain. I still hurt. My eyes still well up with tears. But it is not bitter. It is sad. It is my time for mourning. I will mourn her death for a long time. I am sure it will come in waves. And I am not afraid.

~~~~~~~

Her flowers were mostly yellow roses. Daddy used to sing the "Yellow Rose of Texas" to her. She was a Texas girl. And she always told me when I was little that her favorite color was yellow. It's nice now to have a flower that will always remind me of her.

Another thing.... remember the hummingbird photos from a few posts back? I took those for her so that if the hummingbirds were not on the feeder outside the window, she would have a picture of them. Little did I know that we would watch those hummingbirds for hours as we sat by here bedside in her last days. They were so fun... fighting.... drinking... some VERY tiny babies, another looking like she were soon to lay eggs. Now I will not see a hummingbird and not think of her too. I brought the feeder home. I had just bought it for her two weeks before she died. Come spring.... I hope I have hummingbirds outside my window.

2011-09-28T07:00:00.000-05:00

This is a copy of the "feature obituary" that was written by the Little Rock newspaper after interviewing several family members:

Whispers from the Lord

2011-09-27T06:00:00.000-05:00

I often read "Our Daily Bread" devotions via email before I even get out of bed in the mornings (on my phone). The week before my mother died were some of the toughest days of my life; that email was a lifeline from the Lord. (Late nights staying up by her bedside, I discovered that they sometimes even hit my inbox early.)

They each have the days date on which they should be read:

September 17th, 2011 - the day before my mother died, while we struggled so much caring for her as she suffered and struggled - I read about how we cannot put life in reverse- and here is the ending quote -
When long and steep the path appears
Or heavy is the task,
Our Father says, “Press on, My child;
One step is all I ask.” —D. De Haan

September 18th, 2011 - the day she died - the main verse - A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance. —Ecclesiastes 3:4

September 20th, 2011 - the day before her funeral - the main verse - Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. —Matthew 5:4

September 21st, 2011 - the day we buried her body - a quote "Dr. Mezirow says that adults learn best when faced with what he calls a “disorienting dilemma”—something that “helps you critically reflect on the assumptions you’ve acquired” (Barbara Strauch, The New York Times)" and then ended with this - "Unsettling experiences that cause us to question our assumptions about the Lord can also lead us to a deeper understanding and trust in Him—if we’re willing to think it through and come to Him." —David McCasland

Today - as I reflect on the legacy she leaves to me - "These words which I command you . . . you shall teach them diligently to your children." —Deuteronomy 6:6-7

She not only taught me, but hundreds of children, the Word of God. One of her FAVORITE things was helping children memorize verses from the Bible. She made it fun. She made it stick. And I am thankful.

Until Then (My Heart Will Go On Singing)

2011-09-26T13:46:00.000-05:00

This is the hymn that was sung at Moma's funeral. I will print the lyrics below and post a video from youtube where it is being sung if you want to hear it. ( this video is not from the funeral -it's random)

Here are the lyrics:

UNTIL THEN
My heart can sing when I pause to remember
A heartache here is but a stepping stone
Along a trail that's winding always upward,
This troubled world is not my final home.

Chorus
But until then my heart will go on singing,
Until then with joy I'll carry on,
Until the day my eyes behold the city,
Until the day God calls me home.
The things of earth will dim and lose their value
If we recall they're borrowed for awhile;
And things of earth that cause the heart to tremble,
Remembered there will only bring a smile.

Chorus
But until then my heart will go on singing,
Until then with joy I'll carry on,
Until the day my eyes behold the city,
Until the day God calls me home.
This weary world with all its toil and struggle
May take its toll of misery and strife;
The soul of man is like a waiting falcon;
When it's released, it's destined for the skies.

Chorus
But until then my heart will go on singing,
Until then with joy I'll carry on,
Until the day my eyes behold the city,
Until the day God calls me home.

2011-09-26T13:17:00.001-05:00

Soon after my last post, everything changed. I got a phone call from my family, moma may only live 2 or 3 more days.
I was in Arkansas holding her hand 24 hours later, knowing each breath could be her last.
On Sunday, September 18th at 4:04 p.m. She took that last breath, and left behind a legacy of love and service to Jesus Christ for her husband, three children, and 10 grandchildren.
She is now in heaven with family and so, so many dear friends rejoicing and praising Him still.

Garon Vian Gabriel Bormann

Stuttgart, Ark. —

Garon Vian Gabriel Bormann, 66, of Stuttgart,passed away Sunday, Sept. 18, 2011. She was a pastor’s wife, Christian Schoolteacher and wonderful mother and grandmother.
Garon was born Sept. 30, 1944 in San Antonio, Texas toMelvin and Vivian Gabriel. She attended JeffersonHigh School in San Antonio before graduating with a degree in Religious Education fromMcMurry Collegein Abilene, Texas where she met her husband. The couplefirst served a United Methodist circuit in Truscott/Foard City, 100 miles northof Abilene.
Garon and Thomas married on Aug. 21, 1964 in San Antonioand moved to Wilmore, Ky., to attend Asbury Seminary. While Thomasserved as assistant pastor of the Winchester UMC, Garon served as director ofreligious education. They came to Stuttgartin early December 1966 after the birth of their first child.
A few years were spent serving the United Methodist circuit churches ofHunter’s Chapel in Casscoe, Shiloh in Crockett’s Bluff, Roe, Ulmand Hamilton before the establishment of Grand Prairie Evangelical Methodist Church in 1971. She attimes served as pianist and loved to sing.
The Stuttgartchurch added a private school in 1980 where she taught for about 15 years.
The Bormanns were chosen North Arkansas County Farm Family of the Year in 1996upon the death of Garon’s father-in-law, Robert Bormann.
Survivors include her husband of 47 years, Rev. Thomas Bormann; threechildren, Beth (Daniel) Paulsen of Waverly, Iowa, Mark (Christina) Bormann andJeannie Bormann of Stuttgart; 10 grandchildren, Jared Bormann, Hope Herald,Mary Heather Herald, Gracie Bormann, Jedd Paulsen, Hannah Herald, AustinBormann, Russ Paulsen, Holly Herald and Abby Bormann (all ages 9 to 15); abrother, Dane (Kathy) Gabriel of Boerne, Texas; and three in-laws,Elizabeth Williams of Atlanta, David (Lidia) Bormann of Trieste, Italy, andMarianne (Robert Apfel) Gabriel of Lindfield, Australia.
Cousins Dr. Larry Waldrip and Rev. Larry Taylor of Texas remained friends into her adult years.
There are 12 nephews and seven nieces of whom she is very proud — TexansEthan, Kacey, Darren, Col. Scott, Gray and Dean Gabriel; Erin Gabriel andAshley De Sousa, of Australia; Judge Dibrell, Darryl and David Waldrip ofTexas; Georgia natives, Rick and Randy Smith and Robin Greene; and Miriam,Rebekah, Sarah, Deborah and Ivan Bormann of Italy.
Garon was preceded in death by her parents and a brother, Lt. Col. DaleGabriel. Two young female cousins, Glynda Ann Smith and Suellen Evans, werelost in tragic accidents in 1965 and are awaiting her in heaven.
A special thank you goes out to the Hospice Angels nurses of Pine Bluff, Mitzi London,and aides Linda Williams, Diane Hall, Pat Scott, Michelle and Katherlene Fellswho have provided round-the-clock support for the past six weeks. Greatappreciation is also expressed to Dr. Eddie Hord, Dr. Beverly Beadle and thestaff of Mayo Clinic.
Family members will be gathered at the Bormann home at 1809 Coker-Hampton Drive in Stuttgart. Visitationwill be held from 5 to 7 p.m. Tuesday, Sept. 20 at Turpin Funeral Home. Services will be held at 10 a.m. Wednesday, Sept. 21 in the Sanctuary of GrandPrairie Church located at 21st Street and Park Ave. in Stuttgart. Burial service will follow in LoneTree Cemetery Chapel.
Memorials are requested to Grand Prairie Church,P.O. Box 728, Stuttgart, AR 72160.
A Word of Testimony
“For Me to Live in Christ”
Some of the greatest joys in Garon’s life were seeing and helping childrenand adults come to know, love and live for Jesus Christ. In Chapter 3 of John,Jesus says “Except a man be born again (spiritually), he cannot see the kingdom of God.” In John, Chapter 14, Jesus says “Iam the way, the truth and the life; No man cometh unto the Father, but by me.”Her final word to those she and Christ love would be “Come to Jesus.”

Sausage Brunch Braid

2011-09-13T13:36:00.003-05:00

Took this brunch braid to work today! Now I have to post the recipe for the girls at work! *smile*

Sausage Brunch Braid (2 small loaves)

1 lb pork sausage
4 slices bacon precooked and chopped
1 cup onion
1/2 cup celery
1/2 green pepper
2 garlic clove minced
2 pkg. cream cheese cubed
2 tbs chopped green onion tops
2 tbs dried parsley
2 tubes (8 oz.) crescent rolls or crescent sheets
1 egg lightly beaten

In large skillet cook sausage, bacon, onion, celery, green pepper, and garlic till meat is done.
Drain.
Add cream cheese, green onion, and parsley.
Cook over low heat until cheese is melted. Set aside.
Roll out dough to 12x10 rectangles.
Spoon in mixture over the two separate rectangles. Cut slits down the sides going outward then braid over top of loaf.
Brush each loaf with egg.
Bake at 350 degrees for 16-25 minutes, till brown.

For my moma.

2011-09-13T07:00:00.000-05:00

We got moma a couple feeders. She loves them, but the birds come and go so quickly that I knew she wanted a picture. Those are the moments I really love my big camera.

Besides...

2011-09-12T20:36:00.000-05:00

...taking pictures, I love editing pictures, and making powerpoint backgrounds for church. There's one more... INVITES! They are so fun! Here are two I made this month:

Ecclesiastes 3

2011-09-12T14:17:00.001-05:00

Somehow Ecclesiastes 3 makes it sound poetic. But the harsh reality is that we all will die. One day this body will cease to house my soul and will return to dust.
Death is all around us. Funeral after funeral lately. It leaves my heart sad.
While I was taking a picture of this flower....

... I could hear crunching in my ear. I looked right beside me at this:

Death is ugly. I am not a "buy me flowers" kind of girl. I think it is partly because I can't help thinking how quickly they will die once cut.
I don't even know where I am going with this. I just am feeling so many emotions lately. Thinking so many random thoughts.
All this death is altering my perspective. It a good way, I think.
Soon I will begin leading a ladies Bible study series entitled, "Eyes on Eternity". I think God is preparing my heart for it. All this death is pushing my chin up.... and my eyes toward eternity. And the tears start to fall, in a good way. Tears are a good thing. They are a really good thing.

God repeats Himself a lot.

2011-09-12T13:16:00.001-05:00

At least, when it comes to His messages to me, He does. I need that. I rarely get ideas the first time around. This summer it started with the book "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp. This week it was in a verse that came from our pastor's message yesterday in reference to the tragedies of 9-11.
The message for me.... He bring the good and the bad, the light and the dark, the blessings and the disasters, ALL are GIFTS from Him.
How can I take only the good gifts? I must accept the "bad" ones as well. Accepting pain is not fun. But He showed me a long time ago, my relationship to Jesus Christ is about acceptance of His will. Tragedy is, as pastor said yesterday, about a call to repentance and a right relationship with Him.
Now that I have gone through tough stuff, and still am going through tough stuff, I find that when I embrace Him and the difficulty He puts in my life, the bond I gain with Him is like no other feeling in the world. There is peace, and strength, and calm. The sadness does not disappear, the pain either, but the reward of that bond with Him is priceless.

I don't fear the tragedy anymore. I don't fear. He is there.

Here is pastor's outline from yesterday, it is really a great outline:

"Revisiting Calamity and September 11"
1. Calamity is under God's sovereign control. Amos 3:6 and Isa. 14:24
2. Calamity is the natural and inevitable consequence of sin. Isaiah 45:7
3. Calamity is not a sign of the extreme sinfulness of its victims. Luke 13:1-5
4. Calamity is a reminder that everyone will die. Heb. 9:27
5. Calamity is always a call to repentance. Luke 13:1-5

sigh Summer, I miss you already.

2011-08-24T15:39:00.000-05:00

Well, summer is ending..... it has been awesome.... there are too many photos to even begin to summarize it for you! You will have to "fri*nd" me on facebook if you want to see summer pics! I have still been picture crazy!
I decided this one photo sums up summer for us this year:

Sweaty, dirty, silly and happy!

Then somewhere between the end of summer and the beginning of the start of school something terrible happened! I discovered that HE-

...is now TALLER than me! I KNOW we checked only a month or two ago and he had a LONG ways to go! I think I will stop feeding him, lock him in a closet and try to keep him forever. Why do they have to grow up?

I do love the changes as they get older!

This year there were serious "eye rolls" at the mention of school pictures by the front door! They are so fun to torture at this age, (and boss around).

They do love each other...

... sort of.

It won't be long before this one passes me up too!

But for now,

they still kiss me goodnight.

ALWAYS.

*sigh*

Prayer.

2011-08-15T13:42:00.001-05:00

James is a fav too.

2011-08-14T04:49:00.001-05:00

Don't ya love the Psalms?!

2011-08-13T04:44:00.000-05:00

Another verse.

2011-08-12T04:43:00.001-05:00

I love Diane's garden.

2011-08-11T14:28:00.003-05:00

A verse.

2011-08-11T06:42:00.001-05:00

I love my life.

2011-08-10T15:14:00.000-05:00

I especially love my life when it involves babies, flowers and my camera. This beautiful little punkin' belongs to my friend Sarah. She is just adorable! Enjoy!

He won't do that again.

2011-08-02T09:20:00.000-05:00

He was in pain!!

Poor thing.

Good thing the water was COLD spring fed water!

Overwhelmed, with good stuff

2011-08-01T13:07:00.006-05:00

I hate that I have not had time to blog at all lately.

Here are the reasons why I have been gone from the blog world:

1. I have been gone a lot! Went to Arkansas twice this summer already! (left without my camera for the second trip- major bummer).
2. Had an extra child for a month (nephew) and loved it! Every minute!
3. I work. And I love it.
4. I have been taking a lot of pictures! and then doing tons of editing!
5. I have so many photos I am overwhelmed with all the good stuff I want to share!
6. I am trying to lose weight again (I gained back 8 of the 40 that I lost- opps! I am going to blame the STILL injured hamstring... that is much easier that taking full responsibility now isn't it?). This means I must walk not run which takes longer and equals less free time!
7. I am overwhelmed with the work God has been doing inside of me lately and it is wonderful and beautiful and I don't know where to begin to tell you about it but I will try in the future!
8. We had VBS last week... nuff said.

My fun boys start school in 22 days! I want to enjoy each day until then! I will try to post fun pics here and there and soon get more consistent with posting! Thing may be very random for a while!

Like this:

Yes, that is pond-scum. On his face.

Many more random photos coming your way.

Garden Girl - my niece

2011-07-31T21:08:00.001-05:00

Time for the smallest of the Paulsens to get her garden photos done. They go on grandma's kitchen wall (wish you could see her wall, this will be grandchild #9!). Here we go!

And here is what she sounds like when her daddy

or uncle Dan is around:

What I like....

2011-07-01T21:44:00.000-05:00

.... is fl*wer photography.

It's is a great way to learn your camera well with a subject that is both beautiful and sorta still. (Except it is ALWAYS windy around here.) They speak the peace of God to me.

My mother in law has THE most beautiful garden ever.

It is heaven.

She also has a swing.

And I also like....

j.u.m.p.i.n.g.

pictures!

And so you see....

why.....

I love it at my in-laws.

Oh and there's more.

But that's for the next post.

Thank you.

2011-07-01T21:30:00.000-05:00

Thank you for praying with me yesterday for the 11 year old having brain surgery. The surgery was successful and the prognosis is good!

Praise God.

Faith.

2011-06-30T15:19:00.000-05:00

My thoughts and prayers are with an 11 yr old boy and his family today. He lives in Arkansas. This afternoon he is having a surgery on his brain.

"Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light." Micah 7:8

Too small?

2011-06-28T09:41:00.000-05:00

can I get an Amen?

For Pam. Not just 'cause she's cool.

2011-06-27T21:20:00.001-05:00

Okay partly 'cause she's cool. My friend Pam has admitted she checks my blog and Sarah's blog daily to see if there is anything new. Well, not only does that thrill me.... it makes me want to blog daily!

So this one's for Pam. And Rob, you're welcome and stop thinking about biking in the snow.

Just more JUMPING!!!

2011-06-18T21:08:00.000-05:00

The return home was as fun as the trip down! We stopped an abandoned gas station to checkout the Louisiana Crawfish they had for sale. Daniel just wanted to see how big they get and if he could get some for bait!

They were a little too big for bait.

At least most of them.

The boys LOVED them!

Since they were on ice getting to Arkansas they were sluggish and not pinching!

Oh did I mention I have a third boy for about a month? Yep!

I adore him. And he adores these.

The sellers were so nice to let us play, Daniel even got to pick out the little ones for free and have them for bait!

On through the mountains!

We had quite a time finding this spot......

But boy, oh boy, was it worth it.

Jedd was only a little nervous for the first jump.

Not my newly borrowed third boy....

Then they started coming up with creative ways to jump.

Can you figure this one out?

THIS is why I need a monopod on our adventures!

I was sooo happy to have figured out how to take this kind of shot!

Can you get this one?

My Russ.

The Ozarks are so full of beautiful things!

There was no way to stop and take all the pictures I imagined.

I say 100 things along the way I wished I could capture in my trusty camera.

But I am happy with what I got this trip!

I hope y'all have enjoyed them!

I need a blog-pick-me-up --- so

IF you have enjoyed even one thing.... please leave a comment...

I sometimes wonder if very many people are even reading these!

If I don't get comments,

I will be left to assume my following is small but loyal.

Thanks!

Rice is green.

2011-06-18T19:50:00.000-05:00

Huge fields of bright green rice is a welcome sight for this girl.

It means I am "home".

This is where I grew up, walking along the levy looking for frog eggs to scoop up out of the water in the rice field into a Miracle Whip jar to take home and wait for them to hatch.

Now it's where they grow up. My precious nephews and nieces!

They are amazing and they are fun!

I miss them already.

fixed the typo!

2011-06-17T09:02:00.001-05:00

I fixed the typo in the verse I quoted on that last photo from yesterday's post! So if you printed it.....ummm.... you may want to reprint! Sorry! I am the typo queen and Photoshop Elements does not have spell check.

Have a great FRIDAY!!!

A little more exciting. As magnolia's go.

2011-06-16T12:02:00.001-05:00

One thing that is different in Arkansas than in Iowa-- the bugs. They are larger, there are more of them, and they are meaner. Seriously, if you have not met a mud dauber don't doubt me.
But I will definitely take bee's over snakes or mud daubers any day! They have a much milder approach.
So here we go with the second set:

While on the subject of snakes and mud daubers, lets talk about fear.
One thing God really spoke to me about while I was home was regarding fear. Fear can grip you, shake you, paralyze you, and even numb you. (Much like an approaching snake or mud dauber *smile*).... but more often it is with pain or loss. I am slowly losing someone I love and my heart can easily be overcome with fear. But God swoops in and wraps His arms around me and shows me that I have nothing to fear. Nothing. And the peace replaces ALL the fear in that moment. It is both beautiful and amazing. I cannot imagine life without this gift of God's love and power in my life. He proves Himself OVER and OVER and OVER to me. It is so sweet and gentle.
I have a loving loving Heavenly Father. He is so real. And I have nothing to fear.

So click on that last photo if you want to print it larger, right click on it and print it out and put it somewhere to remind you that with Jesus Christ in your life.... you have nothing to fear.

Nothing.

I think I may go read all of that chapter.

*sigh*

peace.

Only He knows.

2011-06-15T18:49:00.000-05:00

The one thing I wanted to photograph this trip:

Magnolia blossoms. They are HUGE! About 10-12 inches wide.

There is a huge magnolia tree at the cemetery, so I went there to find a bloom.

I like to visit several graves each time I go"home" anyway.

It was a sweet time.

This is the first set:

How sweet to see this bloom with the inner parts gently hidden by two petals.

I love the huge white petals. Silky as rose petals.

One thing I had not realized is how short a life these blossoms have!

The next day this one was completely brown and sad.

At that moment, so was I.

For other reasons.

With a photo it was captured forever.

It was a good reminder to me of the shortness of life.

God is sovereign.

Each life has the time He allots.

Not one day more...

...not one day less.

And I can stand in that cemetery with a heart full of peace (and some sadness)

knowing He knows.

Only He knows.

Full-on panic.

2011-06-14T21:00:00.001-05:00

Okay, so we completed two floats. We were tired. Now it was time to just go to a "fun" spot on the Buffalo and just hang out, swimming, fishing, and hopefully I could find some good subjects for my 85mm lens!
Now Daniel likes to fish in spots that are not "over-fished" meaning the fish are not so smart about hooks and bait. So he picked a remote area of the river.
We drove and drove down narrow gravel roads. Some really just meant for 4x4 but our minivan did pretty good! Especially with a trailer full of kayaks. Finally we reached a spot where another spring fed creek met up with the Buffalo. It was pretty and we were hungry!
It was hot.....

so we headed for the shade on the other side of the river. AS I WALKED ACROSS THE SLIPPERY SLIPPERY ROCKS in the river I saw a SNAKE floating sideways RIGHT TOWARD MY LEGS only a few feet away, I knew he was about to TOUCH my legs! I went into full panic!!! I knew if I jumped I would slip and land in the water! I was SCREAMING and yelling at DANIEL! He seemed to think I was being ridiculous. Which just irritated me! HE didn't grow up with a healthy fear of snakes. I WAS! And I was FREAKING OUT! I managed to step to the side a little and the snake slithered on down the Buffalo! Daniel had Jedd walk me the rest of the way across the river. I could hardly see straight!

What does Jedd do.....

Gets the goggles out and LAYS in the river turning over rocks looking for more crawdads!
No fear. Doesn't even care about the snake!
After lunch I get out my 85mm only to have it FOG up completely due to the heat and humidity. The fog was all through the inside of the lens! Yikes!

I laid it in the sun to heat up and hoped it would clear up.

It did!

And I got these:

I was happy.

But I WAS NOT

NOT

getting back in that river.

Good thing we had a kayak with our gear in it to float across in this time!

Daniel later admitted he saw several other snakes back there as he was fishing!

I still

{heart}

the Buffalo.

Beauty vs fear.

Beauty wins.

It was so awesome.

2011-06-13T21:35:00.000-05:00

To the casual follower of this blog you may think this is just another "float post".

But for us...

it was THE TWO BEST FLOATS ever!

We just returned from 10 days in Arkansas. As expected, I have a huge amount of photos to share! Probably took 1000 photos this trip. Don't freak... I am going to post a few at a time! Keep checking back 'cause there are some REALLY fun posts coming up!

So here we go!

We started our first Arkansas float on Crooked Creek!

It was crazy hot, but the spring-fed creek was cool!

You had to put your hands and feet in the water at times to keep from melting completely.

Last post I told you about Jedd and his love for this kayak.

Still in love.

If I weren't melting I could sit here forever.

This guy is just trying to get to the next good spot to toss some bait on a hook!

This one just smiles.

Me, just draggin' my feet in the cool water.

Good thing you can't smell us.

Now on to the Buffalo River for more dramatic scenery!

That little blue spot is Russ!

Inside that little cave - Daniel and Jedd.

JEDD LOVED finding spots to get out and JUMP!

BOYS!

*sigh*

Not jumping in, jumping OUT!

I had high hopes for chances to take pictures of flowers, birds, and other wildlife.

You will see in future posts,

Some wildlife FOUND ME!

I will tell you now there was screaming and full-on panic.

Then I was OUTTA there.

But you will have to come back later for that story!

We are river rats.

2011-05-31T20:51:00.000-05:00

We love the river.

I need a "River Rat Family" bumper sticker.

Yes, water guns go with us kayaking. Tell me you are surprised. Really?!?!

I agreed on a brown boat rather than a pink one.

Jedd loves loves loves this new kayak. It is pretty flat on top so he can monkey around and not flip over.

I just love the warm sun and green trees and blue sky!

Jedd showing what he can do on a flat boat.

Daniel showing what he can do with a worm and a hook.

Jedd loves to do jumping pics for his moma!

They make me laugh.

He said that one hurt a little.

SUMMER IS HERE!!!!

FINALLY HERE!

and

I am blessed.

Ah...life is good.

2011-05-31T20:23:00.000-05:00

I love it when it's hot.

I love it when babies play in the water.

I love taking pictures of babies playing in the water.

The water was cold but she didn't care!

*sigh*

Happy babies.

*cousins*

Bryn thinks she can do anything the big kids do.

He should grow into these swim trunks by next week.

There's not an inch of this girl that isn't cute.

OR this little girl.

Don't worry grandpa's not squirting a baby.

He's after the big boys.

One with no front teeth.

Did you know that gray tree frogs poop mustard.

Yep, it's all over his hand.

Bye y'all!

Hope your weekend was as cute as mine!

The eye.

2011-05-16T11:01:00.002-05:00

The healing is progressing well!

Here is how it look while doing his homework yesterday! *smile*

We had a fun and busy weekend! Saturday was a cold, raining, cold, fun cold, windy day at a theme park with the youth group.

It was cold.

There's been a burst vessel
in the white of his eye that will likely be there a while.

But it has been very yellow! And the swelling is almost gone.

Thursday he say a specialist and had his eyes dilate!
This is his "good" eye!

There was bruising on the retina but all else looked good!

That was the second doctor to use the word "lucky".

Ah, boys.

And E.R. visits.

learning curves

2011-05-13T20:31:00.000-05:00

If there is one thing I have learned with a "big" camera..... it is that there is a serious learning curve when you take the camera off "auto". I am a SLOW slow learner. I know what I want the picture to look like. I just find it is very hard to get there.

I was told for Mother's Day I should pick out a new lens. I knew exactly what I wanted. Something to take macro. I love macro. I want to see what is beyond the norm. Macro pictures feel quiet and peaceful to me.

This new lens gets really really close! The first picture is a two inch wide flower.

And I love it:

I l.o.v.e. being able to capture the fuzz on the stems!

Oh how I miss magnolia trees. This is also a magnolia just different and smaller than the southern kind!

These wrinkled leaves remind me of a newborn.

Sorry if that sounds weird.

These tiny white flowers are the size of my thumb nail.

Just HAD to try some textures!

Apple blossom.

The pink one above ( don't you love how I don't even know them names of any of these flowers... I am so garden dumb) is covered in pollen. See it?

So here are my questions for my fellow photo lovers:

How do I reduce the noise? I have never had noise problems until this lens. I know that ISO is supposed to help but I adjust it and get nothing.
How do I increase the dof? I push up the aperture but it doesn't seem to help. This lens works sooooo differently than my other lens. I am totally in love but struggling to find the look I want. I love a shallow depth of field but it is so incredibly narrow that I need to alter it a tiny bit at times just to get my focal point in focus.

ANY advice or comments are welcome!

I am just learnin' here on the curve!

I am my own worst critic. The first time I looked through the photos, as usual, I seemed to not like anything. I think that is because most were not how I envisioned them actually turning out. But when I leave them alone a few days and come back... I find a few that I like.

Hope you found a few you like. *smile*

Day three.

2011-05-12T12:31:00.001-05:00

Today it is less swollen but there is blood in the white of his eye and so he has to go have a specialist look at it today. Likely it is just the progression of it all.

He both loves and hates all the attention.

For those who love the gross and blood stuff.

I will continue to post daily picks until it clears up!

Yeah!!!

Don't play chicken with a tree.

2011-05-12T12:21:00.000-05:00

That is what Jedd tells people when they ask what happened to his eye. In reality, his eye was hit by a baseball in practice the other day.

WARNING

the following is likely to make you flinch.

He says it doesn't hurt.

He has a high pain tolerance that is for sure!

The above picture was day one.

Three hours after it happened.

Now for day two:

This was yesterday before school.

He took this picture himself with my phone.

After school, I took this (with my phone):
He was tired of the questions, "What happened?"
and
"Does it hurt?"

So he wrote the answers on his hands!

And now today... day three:

UMMMM..... BLOGGER won't let me load pics now!

I will continue in a new post!

Blessed.

2011-05-09T10:53:00.004-05:00

I never know what I will get when I point the camera
at the other members of my family.
They LOVE to make faces
just to hear me tell them to stop it!!!

It is a sport to them.

I have no idea where they get that.

But I am gonna guess they get it from
a certain father not present for this photo!

Mother's Day leaves me feeling so blessed.
So loved.
So full of love for my moma.
It was a beautiful day!

overdue for a family photo

2011-04-29T21:32:00.002-05:00

we were way overdue for a family photo!

but it sure felt like this:

Comedy

2011-04-29T20:48:00.004-05:00

Jedd loves comedy, and ever since he stumbled onto this guy, things around our house have gotten funnier!

This is what I found when I opened the fridge:

Happy Easter! Bock bock!

2011-04-22T21:28:00.002-05:00

Dark Chocolate Brownies!

2011-04-22T20:54:00.004-05:00

This is the third time I am making a pan of these brownies in the past 36 hours. They are THAT good! Made them once for the fam and work. Again for people at work as it makes such a small pan. Now, making them to take to extended family over the weekend! Easy and amazing.

"Robert's Bro*wnies My Way" is what they are called:

6 tbs unsalted butter
8 oz bittersweet chocolate with 70% cacao ( used 4oz of 63% and 4oz of 100% just cause that is what I had)
1 "scant" cup ( just less than one cup) sugar (6.5 oz)
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract (optional)
2 large eggs (cold)
1/3 cup plus 1 tbs unbleached flour ( all I had was bleached but it was fine!)
1 cup nuts (optional)

An 8 in square pan, lined with aluminum foil

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Position a rack in the lower third of the oven.

Melt the butter and chocolate in a medium heatproof bowl set directly in a skillet of barely simmering water. Stir frequently until the mixture is melted and smooth and fairly hot to the touch. Remove the bowl from the water. Stir in the sugar, salt and vanilla. Add one egg stirring until it is mixed in, then the other egg until mixed in. Stir in the flour with a wooden spoon or spatula until the batter is smooth and glossy and comes away from the side of the pan; it is critical that the batter pulls itself together, so don't stop mixing until it does. Stir in the nuts, if using. Scrape the batter into the pan.
Spread the batter evenly and make some ridges to make it look better and create texture in the top crust. Bake for 30 to 35 minutes (30 for gooey and 35 for chewy), until a toothpick comes out with a few moist crumbs but not totally gooey. (For some reason when I make it there is a lot of butter or some kind of liquid bubbling on top but it goes away as it cools.)
Cool on rack. Life foil ends to transfer the brownies to a cutting board. Cut into 16 inch square.

YUM....E!!!!!!

Tip: Eat one bit and then fill your tummy with watermelon so you are too full to eat another bite. *smile* ~works for me!

HAVE a happy Easter y'all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know I will have fun pics to share after this weekend!!! yipee!!!

Please Lord, let it be warm and sunny. Please.

Weight tracker Wednesday!

2011-04-20T10:53:00.002-05:00

Happy Belated birthday to me!!!

Well, yall I had a great birthday! I am un-phased by the #40. Actually, I like it. I have liked all 40 of my numbers! I don't really even get what is wrong with 40. But that is just me!

I worked the actual day of my birthday! My co-workers all dressed in black, gave me "funeral" flowers (dark purple calla lilies), and made "Lutheran Bereavement Dinner" foods - ham and cheese sandwiches, jello, etc. It was fun! Then there was Janette's Pioneer Woman Butter Cake. *sigh* AND a special cupcake from my friend Kim. OH - THEY WERE BOTH SOOO GOOD! The cupcake was from the bakery "Scratch" 15 miles away from here and it is a good thing! 15 miles distance is a very good thing!

Daniel took me out for dinner and shopping! I need clothes that fit!!! I am giving away what doesn't fit and have less and less that DOES fit! The problem is that I only want to buy summer clothes like capris as I may be even smaller by fall so I don't want to buy any pants right now. So here I wait wearing big pants and sweaters and longing to put on my NEW capris and shirts CAUSE IT IS STILL C.O.L.D. - cold here!!! Burr!

Okay so with the mention of Butter cake you are wondering about my update for this week! I am proud to say that I have lost nothing and GAINED NOTHING! I did TWO workouts the day after my birthday! They felt great, well, that is until my hamstring found out about it and was sore all day on Monday!
I have been doing a LITTLE running. And the hammy is resistant. I suddenly have no interest in swimming, but I may have to get back to the pool if I want to burn off anything. We will see. I know I should do both.....walk/running and swimming.

Well, thanks yall for all the great birthday wishes! It was a fun weekend!

Weight tracker Wednesday.

2011-04-13T10:16:00.000-05:00

I did it! WHEW! I was just a little nervous! I did NOT want to say that I could hit 40 by 40 and not do it! But I am there! Lost one pound this week.
This week has been weird. I have gone shopping for clothes (for me, Russ and Daniel) three days this week. It is hard! I have to force myself to try the smaller size. I can't seem to really see myself for the size that I am just yet. I still feel the same for the most part! While I love the great feeling I get from seeing the scale #'s change I don't picture myself as the new size. Am I making sense?
Anyway, I just know that it feels great to make good choices for my life. I was thinking this morning about the girl that almost quit this season of the Biggest Loser. She was sooo thrilled to be at such a positive place in her life she was ready to just go home and LIVE! She could care less about the game and the potential money. It just feels amazing to take control and not let food have such an influence on our mood, our success, our guilt, our peace, our health, and our energy! You do FEEL better when you eat healthy. Sorry yall, but it is true. I turn 40 on Saturday and I like the face I see in the mirror. I like the wrinkles cause they are on a thinner face. *smile*

I have a whole other story to share! SHOES! Sunday morning I asked daniel to get my plastic tub of summer shoes off the top shelf of the laundry room..... you won't believe what happened.... any substance that could grow mold was COVERED in mold! They plastic flip flops were fine, the stupid crocs were fine, BUT anything leather.... was covered in black, green, white, gray fuzzy mold. Most had to be tossed. A couple pair could be scrubbed and saved. It was nasty. Thankful for an 11 year old that enjoyed tossing the nasty ones for me! Sorry I didn't get a picture! It was time to get to church!

Now, it is time to go shoe shopping. Poor me. *smile*

Weight tracker Wednesday

2011-04-06T14:43:00.002-05:00

Well, I have been sick and in bed much of the last week! While I was not able to exercise, I was not able to eat much either! Two pounds lighter! Yipee! I think most of the two pounds must have come out of my nose with this sinus infection!! Ha ha!
I recently realized that if I loose one more pound before my upcoming birthday I will hit a 40 pound weight loss on my 40th birthday! HA! How funny is that! Yep, at my heaviest I was 40 pounds beyond where I am now! Yikes!
Thank you Lord we have come this far!

Just can't stop playin'

2011-04-04T18:55:00.000-05:00

I can't stop playin' with these pics of Lucy! When I look at this last one I think to myself, that is what every moma wants to remember. That profile of her baby with pink lips and dimpled chin. I want my photos to capture the things a moma loves about her kids. And I think little Lucy just made that pretty easy for me.

Heaven is gonna rock.

2011-04-04T17:48:00.001-05:00

Another book review!

2011-03-31T12:51:00.003-05:00

I still had the itch after the last book to find a book about what it is like to be on the Biggest Loser. While I have no desire to be on ANY reality show, I am curious how much reality there even is in a reality show. This time I found the answers in Believe It, Be It by Ali Vincent, the first female winner of the Biggest Loser (Season 5 in 2007).
What a fun read! She takes you from day one to the present in her life. She is a woman of incredible inner strength. While not a Christian, she demonstrates beautifully the power of believing in the truth.
I think my favorite quote would be from the final two pages of the book where she prints her journal entry from her flight home after winning the big finale of 2007. She says, "My body is my Olympic solo, my Tour de France, my Mount Everest, my Super Bowl touchdown, my step on the moon. We all know what dreams are, but do we have the courage and the strength to dream them, to dream impossible dreams, to say, Yes I do."

I love that! Mastering control of food in our lives can feel like an incredible challenge. But God gives us the tools if we will only accept them. If you need a little push.... this is a great read!

What dream do you want to conquer?

Weight tracker Wednesday!

2011-03-30T10:15:00.002-05:00

Yep, it's Wednesday and it's busy! But not too busy to stop in and tell y'all I lost a pound this week! Actually I am thrilled. I have had such a great week! I have been consistent, I am really enjoying the high that comes with saying "no!" and feeling good about it. Sure there were a couple times that I remember going, hmmm... why did I eat that? But overall it has been a very successful week!
~ I have cut in half the amount of med I take for my back pain and it seems to be tolerating it okay.
~I am swimming almost every day.
~I have started walking( yes I said walking, my hamstring has not allowed me to even walk at a fitness-like pace for any extended amount of time for the past 7 months) and my hamstring is tolerating that too!
~Now I plan to swim 30 minutes a day and walk 30 minutes a day and try to work in some strength training here and there.
~I do wish this cold/cough thing would GO AWAY! But I don't let that be an excuse not to workout.
~Another book review is coming soon! Just a few pages to finish!
~Have a super Wednesday!

Lessons from Amy

2011-03-27T18:24:00.003-05:00

Well, I don't even remember counting to ten but there were lots of great lessons in Amy's book "10 Lessons from a Former Fat Girl". I really enjoyed this book. Great follow up to the Made to Crave book I just finished.
First I was kind of interested to find out more of what life was like on "the ranch", but she really only talked about it occasionally. I quickly forgot about that as I dove into the meat of the book.
One of the first things that really caught my attention was an analogy she created. She talked about the relationship many girls have when they date "the bad boy"-- he cheats, he's emotionally unavailable, and abusive, but girls stay because they think that is the type of guy they deserve or they just fear being alone. She compared this to bad food or bad eating habits that we often invite into our lives, often because we do not think we deserve better or we are afraid of being alone. She says. "The odd thing is that an unhealthy relationship with food can be worse than one of those relationships with the bad boy.....Food cannot hurt you emotionally but it can hurt you physically and keep you from fulfilling your dreams."

Another point I liked was the mistake of thinking that the weight is just not a big deal to God. "Why would God care about helping me with weight?" She earlier quoted 1st Corinthians where Paul tells us that our weapons are not weapons of the world but we .... take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ.
Fighting food temptations is still a big deal to God. He wants us to be in control of our bodies, our thoughts, our minds. And he will give us the power to do it. The battlefield is in our minds and we can win!

Good stuff, huh?!!

She spend a lot of time on the concept that we are way more successful in this journey (and keeping the weight off) if we find ways to turn our lives toward the love and care of others. She gives TONS of ideas of fun ways to do this, as well as motivation.

She shares stories of her failures as well as her successes. She is open and honest.

I really liked then things she shared in the latter part of the book about how to change mentally to the "fit girl" rather than the "Fat girl". Our minds have to catch up with our bodies as the weight comes off. I could really relate to several things she shared and was so glad to hear some warnings of what to expect in this journey!

So if you are looking for another inspirational book.... I totally suggest this one!

Click here to find it online.

For mom's thank click

2011-03-27T12:54:00.002-05:00

If you are a picture takin' mom... you love this post over at Clickin' Moms website:

CLICK HERE

Too funny!

Daily peek

2011-03-25T09:18:00.000-05:00

I know, my daily peeks have not even been weekly!

This peek-- my new tennies!

Love them. A lot.

Are they so ugly they are cute?
They are super comfy anyway!

Hair and random stuff FYI

2011-03-24T14:59:00.000-05:00

-I cut it even shorter yesterday!

- I had a GREAT swim today! My arms hurt.
- I made Hot Cheyenne Almonds today!
- Cutting your hair short and filling your closed with your spring attire does not make the snow go away or the warm temps move in.
- I started reading another weight lose book "10 Lessons from a Former Fat Girl" by Amy Parham. She is a former Biggest Loser contestant, and a Christian.
- Best take away so far from the book is the power of the words we say. I.E.-- A couple months ago I told a co-worker that " I have to have me some chocolate every day... just a little." Um, not true. But now I have told myself it is not true and I go DAYS without chocolate. Tell yourself the truth. Don't set yourself up for failure.

- Today my youngest, my baby, my {heart}, asked me as he was about to get out of the van for school, "Am I old enough to date?" JUST kill me now. Of course, I said no. *sigh*

That's all I've got!

Love y'all!

What do I eat?

2011-03-23T13:35:00.000-05:00

If I haven't convinced you to join the 21 Day Challenge or to read the book Made to Crave, that's okay, I am gonna pound more of the concepts they share into you anyway! ha ha!
Here is a quote from Day 12 in the 21 Day Challenge:

"For years, I walked around with a little heart-shaped cup in my soul, holding it out to people or things trying to find fulfillment. Some of us hold out our heart-shaped cup and expect a husband to love us in ways that rights our wrongs and fills up our insecurities. Sometimes, we expect our kids to be successful so that we look good and feel validated by their accomplishments. Or, we hope that a successful career will confirm that we are a valuable human being.
At times, I have asked the impossible of all of these. But my consistent “friend” of choice over the years has been food. Imagine my little heart-shaped cup as a candy dish, using sweets and snacks to soothe my emotions.
However, if we are going to replace destructive cycles with lasting changes in our lives, then we have to empty ourselves of the lie that other people or things can ever fill our hearts. Instead, we have to deliberately fill up on God’s truths and stand secure in His love."

This really hit home for me. How many times have I tried to mentally validate myself by thinking about my success at work, or church, or as a mom, or as a wife? How many times did I long for my husband to smother me with compliments and flatter to feel secure? I know that my value is not determined by my size. I got that covered about 30 some pounds ago. But when I feel down I sometimes look somewhere else for validation than in my truth before God.
In the book there is a section where Lysa encourages the read to insert her name in the following phrases here is what Jill Tracey posted on her own Made to Crave blog the other day:

Insert your name in the list of statements below. How does this understanding of how God sees you impact the circumstance-based view of your identity you listed in response to question:
Jill, the forgiven child of God (Rom 3:24)
Jill, the set-free child of God. (Rom8:1-2)
Jill, the accepted child of God (1 Cor 1:2);
Jill, the holy child of God (1 Cor 1:30)
Jill, the made-new child of God (2 Cor 5:17)
Jill, the loved child of God (Eph 1:4)
Jill, the close child of God (Eph 2:13)
Jill, the confident child of God (Eph 3:12)
Jill, the victorious child of God (Rom 8:37)
What a great reminder that all of those statements above are part of who I am or the
decisions and journeys I've gone through to become this woman right now in 2011. But, they are not WHO I am. I am God's girl. I am God's woman. I am a creation of and follower of Jesus! I saw a movie recently where a grandmother told her granddaughter something along the lines of "our past experiences and choices are what make us who we are". I used to subscribe to that way of thinking. And, yes, these things do play a part. But GOD makes us who we are. And GOD uses our past mistakes, successes and experience as well as so much more to mold us into the person HE wants us to be. Sometimes we resist this shaping of our character, but He is the one who makes us who we are! Such good news!!!

That is where I have been able to make the connection. Not only do I not need the unhealthy food, I don't want it. I would rather find what I need in Jesus Christ. THE REAL "fix" for what I am craving. That's it.

So what do I eat? I mostly stick to the things I was eating already, mostly portion controlled healthy meals I learned doing Weight Watcher points. And THEN cut out unhealthy snacks and replaced them with fruit and nuts. I didn't swear off ALL sweets. I just only allow one or two SMALL (100-200 calorie) snacks a week. I really don't WANT more than that. At least not right now. (This way of eating really balances out my blood sugar as well. I have problems actually with low blood sugar, where the body makes too much insulin naturally and drives it down, which will make me crave sugar, shaky, "foggy", get night sweats, and things like that. That is why for me sugar and carbs make me crave more sugars and carbs. Look it up if you want it is called hypoglycemia (not hyperglycemia) and many people don't realize they have this condition.)

I worry that some people will think that I am saying that if you are overweight it is a spiritual problem, I AM NOT SAYING THAT! I am just saying that conquering my struggles with food and weight loss have been transformed by letting the power of God take over that area of my life. That is all I am saying. God is doing this in me and I owe it to Him to share what He is doing in my life with you. To praise Him and encourage you.

Are you encouraged?

Weight tracker Wednesday!

2011-03-23T12:15:00.002-05:00

The title really should be Weight Tracker Wednesday and other random stuff!

First the weigh-in. While I don't look at a loss as the be all and end all of my success anymore, I do have to use it as PART of the equation. It has been two weeks since a weigh in and in the first week I lost nothing but was very successful in BOTH my healthy eating habits and my swimming. So I still was feeling great. This past week. Same eating habits and same swimming...... two pounds lost! Definitely more exciting than last week, but funny how I am at the same peaceful place as last week. Content. Content to know that I am changing how I THINK as well as how I eat and exercise. I approach eating and food so differently after turning my focus from the food to my faith in Jesus Christ. It is not the same battle anymore. I am using the power HE gives me instead of my lame attempts at my own will power. I know that I want to eat healthy and lose weight so I make choices in His strength that reflect that. Today I hit a goal weight... I know weight what I did just before I got pregnant with Russ. Now, I am only 6 pounds less than I was in May of last year when I was at my peak of running. I gained some back, lost that and now some more. So that makes it seem like..oh.. six pounds. BUT
I weigh now 36 pounds less than I did at my heaviest.
I weigh 14 less than I did in mid-December.
My next goal is to lose 16 more. Putting me in the top end of the recommended weight for my height.
I am eating healthier than I EVER have in my life.
I am enjoying the peace that comes when you eat healthy... no guilt, no second guessing, no judging myself, no feeling judged by others.
I am enjoying letting Jesus Christ feed my cravings for peace, comfort and joy. I am not letting chocolate, pizza, and warm buttery bread try to fill those moments.
I NOW look at why I eat stuff. I didn't think about WHY before.
Now, I am rambling!
Here is a quote from someone doing a Made to Crave blog post yesterday that sums this up (from Jill somebody that is on a much stricter diet than I):

I need spiritual motivation to step in where my physical determination falls short.-Jill

That is the sum of it. I need a power beyond myself. And that is what He offers. It comes through my relationship with Him.

Now for some fun random stuff:

I showed Daniel the "Dam Cam" on our city website that is a 24/7 video camera of the dam in the middle of town. Also a place where he likes to fish--- Daniel: "Whew, glad I know that camera is there before I did anything." Wish you could have seen his face! AND I told him NO MOONING THE DAM CAM!!!

Quote from Jedd: " Moma, do you wish you could be on Biggest Loser?"

Hope he said that cause he knows I love the show! I asked him, "Do you think I am still pretty big?" He said no. What a smart little boy.

If you have not seen the latest you tube sensation video of the baby laughing when his mom blows her nose your day is not complete. You can view it HERE.

YOU MUST SEE IT!!!

Well, this one is just adorable too... click here.

And if that didn't top off your need for a baby fix.... here are some pics I took last week of my friend Sarah's little Lucy!

By y'all!

I'm back.

2011-03-21T14:17:00.000-05:00

Hey yall! I am back!
Today is Monday. For me that means laundry, lots of laundry. BUT in between the laundry I try to do fun projects!
Today I am changing out my winder clothes in my closet for spring stuff! AND boxing up lots of clothes that just don't fit anymore! *sigh* that feels really good! (even though it is still cold here.)

I have a lot of clothes and a rather small closet. So right now there are about ten different piles of clothes on my bed, a zillion hangers all over the bed and a closet that already looks full. I need to be really disciplined in my sorting.
I am struggling with whether or not to keep the clothes that are too big. I have a lot of "favs" in those piles. And my head has not even caught up with the size I actually am wearing right now. But I HATE waste and yet I hate to let it go. There are a lot of "what ifs" in my head. *Sigh*

I really am doing well I my diet! I will update you on Wednesday! I hope!

For now I just gotta tell you about a way to get some inspiration in your email inbox. The book I read that has been such an inspiration to me, "Made to Crave" has a website and on that website there is a 21 Day Challenge. Really it is just quotes and discussion of ideas from the book. There is also a blog. So go check it out HERE and sign up for the blog or the 21 day Challenge emails! You will love the daily bits of encouragement and inspiration.

OH AND DO I HAVE some pics to share! Later. *smile*

Weight tracker Wednesday!

2011-03-09T08:31:00.001-06:00

It has been a successful week!

I lost 4.6 pounds this week!

I am pretty excited!

I have really changed and challenged what goes on in my head!

Well, God has.

I decided to no longer give myself permission to eat things I knew I shouldn't or didn't really even want to eat! So all week I ate just what I needed and what was both healthy in content and portion size! My snacks were fruit or nuts. Almost NO sweets! The only sweet things I ate were one bite of a cookie Jedd shared with me and I didn't even eat the entire half of the cookie he shared. And I ate three milk duds. Both with no guilt! I really haven't felt deprived this week. Maybe cravings will change in the future. But for now, I look at unhealthy stuff and think.... I don't want it! I want to eat right. Before this week I still was giving myself permission to eat things that I really didn't need to eat. I thought I HAD to have some chocolate every day.... but I don't. I just told myself that. I know that with my success I will be tempted to let the eating slide back to where I was. I know that I use both success and failure to ease the restrictions I place on myself. So much of it is in my mind. And really, I have to tell y'all, it has to be God helping me mentally. I have never been at such a good place mentally with my eating habits. And I know it is because I asked Him to help me. He has!

It wasn't me thinking about indulgences and feeling all guilty and praying for God to come make me stop, it wasn't like that at all.

It was -just simple quick healthy, planned calculated choices.

It was- the choice to go swim every day but one this week.

It was- not even entertaining the choice to not go.

It was -staying in the pool even when I started to get bored with my lame half done backstroke. ( I actually cannot swim with my face in the water without holding my nose, so I backstroke, face up, kicking my way through the water. It works for me. I do wish my ipod was waterproof.)

So there you have it y'all. And I'm one and a half pounds away from where I was in 1996! I pray He helps me stay on track and I continue to make the right choices so easily and next week I hit that next goal marker!

After that I am looking to hit the top end of the recommended weight for my height and age! Another 13 pounds beyond that marker. I am also praying for the chance to get back into running. *frown* Oh to be able to run again. *sigh*

Weight tracker Wednesday

2011-03-02T09:14:00.000-06:00

It's Wednesday. And I am pretty happy. 1.4 lost this week. BUT the scale is no longer my only measurement of success! This week have I really put into practice the things I am learning and the things I know to be true? Yes. And that is sweet victory you cannot measure on a scale. This is a process of learning, so I am no where near "there" when it comes to really having a handle on my eating but I have to say that it was a good week for me. Here are some of the encouraging truths I held onto this week in the form of quotes from MADE TO CRAVE:

"Trust the effort you are putting into getting healthy. And keep going!"

"Focusing only on what we are giving up will make us feel constantly deprived. And deprivation leads to desperation, frustration and failure. Instead we have to focus on everything we gain in this process. And see the gains as more valuable than the losses."

My interpretation... "I want a healthy, thinner body worse than I want that cake ball."

I am learning that the process of losing weight and getting a healthier me can be about more than an image or a size, but about spiritual growth. It can be both. Nothing is more important to me than my relationship with Jesus Christ. And this is an opportunity to demonstrate that in my body and actions.Plus it allows me to tap into His guidance and help in the process. Kind of a no-brainer, huh?

I have finished the book. And I found a thing or two I don't exactly agree with her on, but still the book is really amazing. Hope you won't hesitate to read it. What's funny is that I didn't realize till half way through that Lysa is the same person that does these little spots on our local Christian radio station for Proverbs 31 ministries. And I have to admit that at first I thought REALLY? cause sometimes that lady annoys me! ha ha! But the truth is, she has a wonderful grasp of the Scriptures that is both beautiful and challenging. And I thank her for all she has helped me learn.
Six more pounds and I will be at the weight I was before getting pregnant with Russ! That is my next goal! It will also mean I weight less than my 7th grader. *smile*

Y'all don't have to listen this time.

2011-02-28T18:47:00.000-06:00

Really, but just in case a couple of you are enjoying my journey through this book.... here we go!

As I turned from page 153 to 154 I was lost for a moment while I processed what I had just read. And it hit me. If this struggle with food is about setting boundaries and staying within them all the time, no exceptions. And if this struggle is really about letting God fill me rather than food. And if it is about self control rather than deprivation. If it is about just finding what is healthy rather than junk. I can do this.
You see in the past year alone, relying on God has taken on a whole new meaning. God has brought me and my family to a place where relying on God is all we CAN do. So He has taught us well how to let go and let Him sustain us, emotionally and spiritually. I just have not really attempted to translate that relationship he and I have built over into the area of food.
To be honest it seems kind of silly at times or "over religious" to make my poor relationship with food a spiritual issue. I have honestly avoided some religious books on weight loss. It just seemed like it must be taking Scripture a little too far. That is how I rationalized it at times. Or thought, food is good, we are to enjoy what God has blessed us with, and on an on with the arguments to minimize reality. In reality I needed to talk to God about my choices. Food choices included. Not because of my size but because of my heart.
I need to grow.
I need to learn.
I love love love this part of the book:

"I know some may shake their heads while thinking I take all this God stuff too seriously. And I would have to agree completely. I've tasted the deep satisfaction of God and I know all other things are but cheap imitations. And I don't want to be enamored by the lesser things wrought with momentary pleasures. I am a woman who has witnessed too much. I am ruined for good. I too have seen God work miracles . I have been through the impossible. He guided me....... He's given me everything and I don't want to forget. Not with my mind, not with my soul, not with my heart, and certainly not with my body."

That is where I am tonight, y'all. Hope a tiny part of what I have said has made a little sense.

Oh yall.

2011-02-27T20:48:00.000-06:00

I am just loving so many moments with this book, yep, talkin' about Made to Crave again. I have underlined and made notes, circled and starred so many things on so many pages of this book . Don't worry this copy is not from the library. *smile*
The neatest thing is that what I am learning applies to so many areas of life.

Here are some neat things:
1. She/Lysa talks about how we are often jealous of the skinny girl that eats and eats and doesn't gain. Or in my case, husband. *wink*
Her response to this thought: " I remind myself that God did not make me to be her." And, "He created my body so that it would experience the consequences of (my) choice, so that I wold continually be drawn back into His arms."
I also am seeing that my body can be a reflection of God's power in my life or lack of it. Based on how it looks when I clearly am healthy enough to do "better".

She quotes a a "skinny" girl who wrote Lysa (the author) her about an eating disorder. The girl said, "Little is just an image."

I LOVE that! I am not seeking to be "little" or even be to be a certain image that is perfect. I just want my body's health to be a reflection of the self-control God has promised to bless me with as His child. That is, when I let Him into that part of my life. I can honor him with a healthy - not perfect- body. My body can reflect HIS power in me.

Lysa also tells a story about God pushing her to a point where she had nothing left and HAD to choose to rely on God to take each step. While her struggle was physical I can see that God is pushing me to trust Him in the moments that I am emotional and stressed to the point that I want to eat to relieve that and cannot make the right choice in MY OWN strength. He wants to me to do it in HIS strength. Maybe that is why he has allowed such physical limitations on me right now. He knew that I could push myself in my own strength pretty far in that department but stress and emotions were where I needed to be pushed.
The time in my life when I was the thinnest. 1993. Was a time in my life that was the most trying for me emotionally that I was forced to live each day, no, correction, each BREATH in his strength. I was broken inside and He was filling me. I was not looking to be filled any other way at that time. I lost weight without even trying. Really I was not even trying at that time.
Funny huh? Can I recreate that in my life now? What do you think? Please comment on this post or I will think you skipped it cause it was so long. or you fell asleep.

more. sentimental me.

2011-02-26T15:18:00.000-06:00

I'm not sure I have ever even seen the inside of a Ford truck.

Why would anyone?

*wink*

sentimental me.

2011-02-25T18:38:00.000-06:00

This one room.(My church sanctuary in Arkansas.)
It holds so many memories.
It should.
I spent 6 days a week in this building for 9 years of my life.
It was built when I was five.
My mother says that while watching the rafters go up I asked her, "Does that man's moma know he's up there?"

It is where I listened to my father preach each Sunday.
It is where I first remember heard the sounds of vocal harmony ( and hear one or two sing from the heart completely off key, just as beautifully as the harmony - *smile* ) from "Baker"....a sweet low alto. But she would switch to soprano when I sat with her.
It is where I performed school plays and Christmas programs.
It is where I learned all the old hymns I now cherish so much.
It is where I first sat by a boy and held hands.
It is where I walked the isle to graduate from high school (a class of 2) AND later walked the same isle to become Mrs. Daniel Paulsen.
It is where I still go for the warmest hugs and feel washed with peace.
It is "home."
And it is green.
Sooooooo green!

Short hair day.

2011-02-23T18:07:00.000-06:00

Cut it. Like it.

Don' t ask me why I do the "hand on my chin thing" cause I dunno.

Do I look like my moma in this picture or is it wishful thinking?

Definitely needin's some sun, don't you think?

These are unedited except for one with white balance issues.

I know y'all wanna keep it real.

Later taters!

Weight tracker Wednesday.

2011-02-23T10:21:00.000-06:00

Ahhh... where were we last official Weight Tracker Wednesday? Well, I had just lost a few pounds partially due to the flu. How many of you knew that wouldn't last?
Yep, the pound and a half lost from the flu was right back on the next day. I was probably dehydrated. So, since then I went up a little due to the need to consume certain favorite foods I need when I am in Arkansas. *wink*
BUT as of today.... that extra pound or so is gone and I am back where we were. And I am happy about it!
Really, I am happy about my new approach. From the book, Made to Crave that I told you about, I am learning some good stuff.
Here is another good one : "Living in victory tastes sweeter than any unhealthy delicacy."
Also, she talks a lot about how as Christians we are called to live our lives with self control and even self denial. Ummm.... yea. That can apply to healthy living. Yikes. I thought as Christians we had figured out pretty well how to make eat whatever we want a freedom we deserve in Christ. *wink*
So, self control. That is an area that if I learn to use it in my eating it will only help me practice self control in all areas of my life.
Are you convicted? I am. But in a good way. I don't feel like it is something I cannot do. With Christ as the focus I am thrilled to seek His help I DON'T have to do this on my own. He has promised to help. It's what He does.
I see now that overeating is really just Satan's way of getting me to satisfy my natural desire for a relationship with Christ with food. He would much rather I eat than smile at my Savior as I push aside that extra serving. Clever huh?

My haircut post will be later. My appointment is later today!

Random

2011-02-22T09:43:00.000-06:00

Today is pretty random.

Today I... have long hair. This is me 10 minutes ago.

Tomorrow it will be short. Yep. Short.
Today I am just trying to focus on one thing... think before I eat.
Today I am going to remind myself that my weight does not determine my worth. (Got that from the book.)

Today is a gift.

On the stove today:

2011-02-21T11:29:00.000-06:00

Quick Gumbo. I don't know how, nor have I ever eaten REAL gumbo. BUT I love this recipe! I have shared it before but lost it in that big delete that happened on the blog.

Quick Gumbo:

4 TSP olive oil
1 green (used red today) bell pepper seeded and chopped
1 celery stalk chopped
6 green onions/scallions sliced
1 garlic clove or tsp of minced garlic
1or 2 can(s) diced tomatoes (I use the basil, garlic, oregano kind)
2-3 cups chicken broth
1 cup fresh or frozen okra
1/2 tsp dried thyme
1/8 -1/4 tsp cayenne (1/4 for very SPICY!)
1/2 cup long-grained rice
1/2 lb shrimp
1/4 lb skinless boneless chicken breast (cut small if uncooked)
1 two inch piece kielbasa (sausage) cut into chunks

In a large pan over med heat, heat the oil. Saute' the pepper, celery, green onions, and garlic until soft (5min.). Stir in tomatoes, broth, okra, thyme, cayenne: bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer, covered, 15 minutes.
Add rice and simmer, covered, 15 minutes.
Add the meats and cook 5 to 15 minutes depending on whether your chicken was precooked or not.

Yummy and healthy!

And ahhhhh........ okra.

Lightbulb moments.

2011-02-20T20:05:00.000-06:00

"MADE TO CRAVE: Satisfying Your Deepest Desire with God, Not Food"

After hearing about this book from two friends at church, I bought it and started reading it tonight. Just chapter 1. I went to my computer before even finishing the chapter to email my two friends about what I was getting already! Here is what I emailed both of them:

I am only in the first chapter of Made to Crave and here's what I've got:
(besides a lot of underlining already in my book from things I need to remember)
1. - hey, this is not going to be about "punishing" myself with reading a book of the Bible every time I eat too much *smile*
2. - QUOTE -(Referring to Eve in the garden of Eden when tempted with the fruit) "She focused only on the object of her obsession." Wow, my first smack between the eyes. I love that sentence.
3. - 1st Corinthians 19:23 is going to be printed and posted in my kitchen..... and maybe by my computer. "Everything is permissible- but not everything is beneficial."
4. - and number four - right between the eyes - QUOTE "Do you believe there could be any benefits to listening to your cravings rather than trying to silence them?"

Here is a link to the book. Click HERE.

I have been dealing with a bundle of emotions lately. And believe me chocolate, it totally helps. But I want more than that. I want my body to reflect the fact that my desire is for God not for food. I want to find more that the pleasure I get from food, I want the pleasure of a refreshing moment with the God of the universe. That is WAY better than the chocolate, believe me, He is. I just don't always let Him in during those moments. Time to change that.

Playinwiththepaulsens!

Here we go!

Just married?!?!? Yep.

New Years Challenge perfect for me!

Anxiety

Eyeball update.

1992. and now.

one in the same

More beauty.

Beauty.

Just adorable. Just engaged. Just in love.

Thanksgiving Eve photos.

eyeball update....

Random lens flare.

Fun family!

The influence of Daniel.

Waiting.

17. no one really knows.

I am starting to get it. What He is trying to tell me.

Learning photography

Learning curves.

Big earrings.

Another brother!

Where oh where have I been?

a post with a "gross out" warning.

In context.......

Three weeks tomorrow.

Friendship

The cutest sympathy "card" ever...

Food and Flowers

Morning. Mourning. And Morning.

A new normal. And I am not afraid.

Whispers from the Lord

Until Then (My Heart Will Go On Singing)

Garon Vian Gabriel Bormann

Sausage Brunch Braid

For my moma.

Besides...

Ecclesiastes 3

God repeats Himself a lot.

*sigh* Summer, I miss you already.

Prayer.

James is a fav too.

Don't ya love the Psalms?!

Another verse.

I love Diane's garden.

A verse.

I love my life.

He won't do that again.

Overwhelmed, with good stuff

Garden Girl - my niece

What I like....

Thank you.

Faith.

Too small?

For Pam. Not just 'cause she's cool.

Just more JUMPING!!!

Rice is green.

fixed the typo!

A little more exciting. As magnolia's go.

Only He knows.

Full-on panic.

It was so awesome.

We are river rats.

Ah...life is good.

The eye.

learning curves

Day three.

Don't play chicken with a tree.

Blessed.

overdue for a family photo

Comedy

Happy Easter! Bock bock!

Dark Chocolate Brownies!

Weight tracker Wednesday!

Weight tracker Wednesday.

Weight tracker Wednesday

Just can't stop playin'

Heaven is gonna rock.

Another book review!

sigh Summer, I miss you already.